I stumbled upon the most amazing song this weekend – Some Nights by Fun. The original video is here:
It was not the original version that caught my attention. I first came across an energizing and entirely a cappella version of it by Peter Hollens, and as the lyrics unfolded I felt like I was listening to the anthem of my own heart, a heart that is constantly at war with itself over something.
It’s like I never know who is going to wake up in my bed each morning. Will it be the ever-hopeful, childlike, “livacious” Christy who wants to take a big bite out of life savor every flavor and nuance? Will it be the anxious, insecure Christy who wants to turn off life like a light switch just to have some rest from uncertainty? Will it be the Christy who wants to walk hand in hand with the highest of Higher Powers and lead wherever it follows, or the Christy that wants to give every authority figure she knows the proverbial middle finger?
I used to have an online friend whose real name I didn’t know. We were regular posters on a relationship forum (you know, back when I had spare time!), and most of the people in that online community had “handles” rather than using their real names. My handle was ThinkinItThru (which is ironically appropriate considering it’s my very “best” thinking that gets me into the very worst messes!). Her handle was NewEveryDay. NED, as we affectionately referred to her, taught me something so simple with her name – every day we have a choice to hang onto yesterday’s successes and failures, or to discover who we are in this moment, and extend that courtesy to the people with whom we live and work.
It’s not just me who is at war with herself, and not just me that wakes up a different person every morning. My kids are new every day. My former spouse was and is new every day. So are my friends, and my work colleagues, and my parents.
That person who drives me crazy is new every day, too. The person who hurts my feelings. The person who votes differently than me.
I have an expectation of others, and of myself – consistency. We’ve all heard the cliché, “The only constant is change.” But we don’t really believe that, do we? When people are not consistent, I am tempted to believe that they are lying. My expectation of consistency, not their actions, that erodes my trust. They are not lying; they are being truthful, being new. The person who went to sleep is not necessarily the person who will wake up, and if my love is contingent upon consistency, I’m going to have a pretty loveless life. That is why we are called to love unconditionally, even if we must set boundaries.
The challenge is to live in the present, to know who we are today, right here, right now, and not be held back by who we were yesterday or last year.
There are lots of covers of Some Nights, and the moods of these songs are as varied as the moods I can experience in any given week. Enjoy!
This one is my favorite:
This one is very sad: